Having a child at a young age was not easy; the right choices were not always made. Did the best I could, there are no regrets. Often times for young girls their sons are the first men they will love after their father. As you know there is no manual on how to raise a child, so imagine being young and naive trying to accomplish the task. My mother helped but it was established pretty quickly that it was going to be my responsibility.
It was drilled into my son how important he is, to always show respect towards others. Being young I would often compensate when bad choices were made on my part. There were rewards given when not deserved. The goal was to give him the strength to withstand anything this world would dish out. Yes, mistakes were made. He did not always listen to my advice. He is going through some pretty harsh life changes currently. As usual the urge to compensate began to take over.
Compensate, compensate, compensate this is what has constantly been done on my part. That automatic response to fix takes over me, to make him feel better. Compensate for him not having a father, compensate for me being young when I had him, anything to take away any emotional stress he might have to endure. Is it right, probably not, but he is my son and that is my way. Immediately I began telling him how this situation can be repaired. My son looked me in the eyes and said “No mom”.
What? I was speechless. He told me I was a good mom, he knew I did the the best I could. He verified I had taught him how to take care of himself. He was also glad I was his mother. Usually when words as this come from my kids’ mouth’s they want something. This time there were no catch. He was not allowing me to take over and fix things for him. My son’s words to me were “This time mom you can't help me. I have to handle this on my own. You raised me to be a grown man, you were my mom and my dad, you did good mom. Thank you, I love you.”
Compensate, compensate, compensate this is what has constantly been done on my part. That automatic response to fix takes over me, to make him feel better. Compensate for him not having a father, compensate for me being young when I had him, anything to take away any emotional stress he might have to endure. Is it right, probably not, but he is my son and that is my way. Immediately I began telling him how this situation can be repaired. My son looked me in the eyes and said “No mom”.
What? I was speechless. He told me I was a good mom, he knew I did the the best I could. He verified I had taught him how to take care of himself. He was also glad I was his mother. Usually when words as this come from my kids’ mouth’s they want something. This time there were no catch. He was not allowing me to take over and fix things for him. My son’s words to me were “This time mom you can't help me. I have to handle this on my own. You raised me to be a grown man, you were my mom and my dad, you did good mom. Thank you, I love you.”
No longer did I see the little boy, he has finally grown up. When I look at my son he is no longer Pumkin my baby, today he is Patrick the man. My son takes care of his kids, not with just money but with being there showing them he cares. He loves his mom, he is respectful of others. He is going through a tough time right now; he is going to make it through this. He has a good heart and I am proud of him. Even though I was young I taught him character. He learned how to be a man of true character, you can’t buy this, nor is it something that can be faked. One either possess character or they don’t. When I thought he wasn’t listening, he was. He was just waiting for the right moment to use all the knowledge I instilled in him.
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